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The tragic attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon,
and the accompanying loss of lives, have generated a wave
of impact, both emotional and practical, that have changed
our lives in profound ways. While the emotional effects
can vary widely from individual to individual, there are
some commonalities that shape how we feel when our lives
are touched by a traumatic event or disaster.
A traumatic event interrupts our
established life patterns. The stability of our routines
and our relationships may be disrupted; for some, this
disruption may be temporary, for others it may be
long-term. This loss of stability is heightened by the
sense of loss of control that many of us share: many of us
felt powerless as we watched the events of September 11th
and the days following unfold. We feel powerless in the
face of overwhelming loss. We feel powerless as we
confront our fear and uncertainty about the long-term
implications and consequences of the events of September
11th. We feel powerless as we struggle to both
protect our children, and respect their need for honest
and clear answers.
Our emotional reactions to a traumatic
event like the terrorist attacks of September 11th,
often occur in cycles or stages. We may experience
periods of denial, anger, and extreme sadness. We may
move to a place where we feel more secure and accepting,
and then find ourselves moving once again towards feelings
of intense sorrow. Different people process crisis in
different ways, and we each progress or cycle through
these stages at our own individual pace. Our emotional
struggles may be intensified by feelings of frustration
and loneliness that may arise when the people that we rely
upon for support process or understand a shared experience
in a way that is very different from our own.
Following a traumatic event or
disaster, there are certain behaviors that are common, and
that are reflective of our emotional reactions and sense
of loss. We may experience a disturbance in our normal
sleep or eating patterns. Some of us may find that we are
less interested in activities that usually bring us joy
and pleasure, and that we feel irritable and are easily
angered. At times we may have difficulty focusing on
tasks. We may also experience a heightened sense of
watchfulness or vigilance. Others may find that they are
easily reminded of the traumatic event, and may even
“relive” the experience through dreams or through
recollections of the occurence that are triggered by
people, places, things, images, smells or sounds that are
associated with the event.
An important way of caring for
ourselves and finding inspiration and meaning in the midst
of emotional, intellectual and spiritual turmoil, is the
act of coming together in community. It is through
connection and community that we find the courage,
compassion and resilience we need to guide and sustain us
in times of crisis. It is important to talk about your
experience, and your feelings and thoughts in relation to
that experience. Friends and family can be important
sources of support and nurture. Civic and community
organizations, such as the Mothers’ Center, PTAs,
Homemakers and other groups, can also provide support,
validation, and opportunities for sharing. Many of us
also find solace and comfort through joining in worship,
or through our faith fellowships.
Affirming connections can provide the
framework that you need to put complicated feelings into
words, or to know what words to use with others. Talking
to others may help to engender a heightened sense of
self-empathy, and a greater understanding and acceptance
of the feelings underlying your own actions or behaviors.
Action through community, such as collecting money for
victims or their families, attending memorials, sharing
feelings and thoughts through writing or artwork, or
creating something to memorialize death and loss, can help
us as we work together to initiate a mutual and reciprocal
process of healing.
SUPPORTING OUR
CHILDREN DURING CRISIS:
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Reassure your children that they are
safe and that they will be protected.
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Increase the time you spend
together. Engage and touch your children. When you
can’t find the right words, hug your children and
acknowledge the difficulty of the situation for all of
you.
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If your children are watching
traumatic events on television, watch with them.
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Be honest and don’t deny the
seriousness of the situation.
-
Help your children put complicated
feelings into words. Help them to identify the
feelings/emotions underlying their action.
-
Help them to regain a sense of
control and to initiate concrete and healing actions,
i.e. selling lemonade to raise money for victims,
creating poems, writing or artwork about the event, or
reaching out to someone that was touched by the event.
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Be mindful that even very young
children may experience or share the anxiety of parents
or older siblings.
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Take care of
yourself.
Editors Note: Livia Polise, CSW is
the consultant at the Mothers’ Center of SW Nassau. |
