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In the daily rush of our
living, each of us has a tendency to go through our work,
relationships, and achievements in mindless ways as if we were
turned on and off by automatic switches. Here are a few simple conscious steps to take within the
important process of building our confidence and
self-appreciation, an integral component of feeling good about
ourselves and about what we are doing.
1.
Assess what language you use and during what times you actually
talk (communicate) with yourself. What kinds of messages do you
send to yourself?
2.
Use a gentle inner voice that communicates fairness, kindness,
forgiveness, and understanding.
3.
Use behavior-centered language to focus on behaviors and
actions that are observable and measurable and not hurtful
language that attacks your self-worth and self-appreciation.
You can change behaviors, only if they are concrete and
apparent to you. For
example: I AM LAZY attacks your character. Translate these two
words into specific language describing what being lazy means by
using behavior talk, i.e., I tend to put off doing projects
until the last minute. (Now
you can do something about procrastination habits.) Another
example: I AM A FAT
PIG is a hurtful attack. Translate
these words into "my clothes do not fit; I need to lose 20
pounds; I have been eating two suppers daily." (Now you can
do something about changing some of these behaviors.)
4.
Catch yourself doing something right (good,
complimentary) twice as many times as you catch yourself doing
something wrong (poorly, humanly inappropriate.)
Use the 2:1 ratio by saying / thinking nice and
encouraging things to yourself two times longer and more often
than you say / think those negative and self-depreciating
things.
5.
Treat yourself in the same way as you would another person,
“another human being.”
Talk to yourself in the same way as you would speak to
another who is in need of support or encouragement or guidance
or empowerment, i.e., someone who needs to be stroked and shown
empathy.
6.
Use active tense language that sells positive and
specific information such as: I can, I will, I do, I will gain,
I believe, I value, I know, etc. Avoid: I try to,
maybe, hopefully I will, if only I can, I am just a, I could
never do, I cannot, etc. (Please
note: Since people
may refer to themselves by their names, or in the first person,
or even in the third person, adjust these examples accordingly.)
7.
Remember these words: if you reject yourself, then who is
left? If you do not buy yourself, then who will?
Be your own best customer and coach yourself into someone
who appreciates and values everything that you are doing.
Do not work overtime attending to what you are not doing.
Look for and find the best in you.
Do not take you for granted.
After all, if you do not maximize and value the best in
you, then who will?
As
Dr. Spencer Johnson ("The One-Minute Salesperson")
writes: "If
you can sell yourself, then you can sell anything or
anyone." Only
then will you be ready to go for it, achieve it, and enjoy it!
©PEOPLE
COMMUNICATION SKILLS, 2/1994
Editors
Note: Esther Bogin,
M.S., C.C.C., is founder and president of People Communication
Skills, LLC, owner, Motivator-On-Call.com as well as a professor of Communications at Nassau
Community College. Her
vast expertise in interpersonal communication strategies help
business and professional people to move to their next level of
their inner achievement.
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