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What would you be doing
if you could not lose?
Well, you cannot
lose...unless you don’t show up. That is where most of
us fail, we don’t show up for our own personal games of
life. If we don’t show up, we forfeit... we throw in
the towel on our unique and special lives simply because
we chose a default game, without even knowing it.
Georgia is typical of
someone who has been winning the default game that
society, her friends and family supported her in
playing. The successful 50-year-old entrepreneur sits on
the sofa in my office with her face in her hands, slowly
shaking her head back and forth. “Is this all there
is?” she queries, echoing the chorus of the old 60s
song. Her despair and disappointment evident, she
continues, “I’ve achieved every goal I ever set...and I
still feel empty.”
Similar to many in my
clientele of midlife executives and professionals who by
every conventional standard in our culture are
successful, Georgia yearns for satisfaction that her
achievements promised but didn’t deliver. She longs for
meaning and purpose. She aches for connection with a
family she hardly knows. She hungers for joy and
enthusiasm and doubts that passion even exists except in
her imagination.
Racing at a breakneck
pace on the treadmill of life, many if not most of us
find that we have been winning a game, but not our
game. Instead we are driven to score “points” for a
game that we chose by default because we didn’t realize
there were other options. Like the half-time or
third-quarter buzzer at a basketball game, a “wake-up”
call of some kind often signals that the game of life
won’t last forever. As it sounds, a natural searching
mechanism deep inside each of us is triggered, reminding
us that if they want to win our personal game, we’d
better start showing up.
Between 45 and 55 when
they find me, most of my clients are in the middle of
what has been described as the spiritual transition. As
predictable as stages of development in young children,
inner reflection, questioning, and searching are typical
of a period that is designed to help us assess our
lives, what we came here to do and be, and determine
what we want our legacy to be. With the time-consuming
demands of parenting and establishing a career largely
behind us, we mid-lifers have the time and the resources
to focus on ourselves for a change.
Winning our personal
games of life requires that we frequently stop and
listen to what our inner guidance systems have to say.
Arriving at 50 much faster than any of us imagined
possible, most have never dedicated a whole week to
discovering who we are and what we want from life. As
my clients do just this, they often rediscover forgotten
passions from childhood which they had laid to rest
because they didn’t fit in the default game of life that
most of us end up playing.
During the six years
that I have facilitated one-on-one intensive spiritual
exploration experiences with individuals from all over
the country, some have reclaimed a musician, visual
artist, or stand up comedian, while others have used
their explorations to develop new careers. One woman
left her executive position at a Fortune 50 company and
started her own consulting business doing work she
loves. Another is exploring how she can propel a career
in the entertainment industry into one of service to
people in need of spiritual healing. Georgia started a
company at age 50 which provides breakthrough treatment
for individuals suffering from a debilitating disease.
Still others have used
self-discovery to learn how to enjoy the work they
originally chose to do. The colleague of a CFO with
whom I have worked for over three years described to me
how reflective he is in giving answers and always takes
a moment to ask, “What can I do to support you in your
work?” This allows him to daily experience him
expressed purpose of helping others succeed, something
which he had previously excluded from his CFO “job
description.”
Roughly a third of my
clients are physicians who have felt so trapped by the
HMO system that they had stopped really connecting with
their patients. They often discover that choosing
higher quality patient interactions recharges seriously
drained batteries, energizes their long hours and
middle-of-the-night call, and helps them en-joy their
practices.
Often having felt victim
to a clock and an overbooked schedule, many individuals
simply hang up their wristwatches and free themselves
from the pressure of constant clock-watching. Even
simple changes like leaving the watch behind can make
dramatic differences in the quality of life we
experience.
Whatever changes we make
as we reclaim our own personal games, fulfillment
emerges from grappling with those timeless, existential
questions: Who am I? What am I here for? The answers
to these questions will inevitably land anyone who takes
time to ask them, and then listen to the answers,
squarely in their own personal game called life, while
helping them find the courage to play it.
They have answered the
question, “What would you be doing if you knew you could
not lose?” The answer: Choose my own game of
life...and then show up to win every day of the rest of
my life.
© Copyright 2002 Kay
Gilley, Intentional Leadership Systems
Kay Gilley is an individual spiritual discovery guide,
keynote speaker, and author of several books, including
her new release The Game Called Life. You are invited
to visit her website at
http://www.intentional-leadership.com or (919)
572-2879.
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