"If you can create success inside – you can create and enjoy success outside." - Dr. Shad Helmsletter – (Author of What To Say When You Talk To Yourself) - 

Behavioral scientists report that as much as 75% of what people tell themselves (in thought or actual verbal statements) tends to be negative, counterproductive, filled with self-doubt, and stress–producing.  Self-talk, or intra-personal communication, entails the kind of interaction in which the sender of messages and receiver of these messages are the same person.  The inner dialogue or inner language that people use is most likely based on lifelong written scripting that was first created by their child's mind interpretations of what was told to them by adult model figures.  Most of these adult models probably focused on what children needed to do, or should be doing or still have to do.  Why?  Because this was the kind of scripting that was told to them when they were growing up, and because this type of feedback was the only way they knew how to get their children to do and be the best they could.

Most of society’s teachings tend not to use confidence-building language.  Most of society’s teachings tend to use confidence-testing language and vague assumptions that children (and, eventually, adults) already know that they are valued and appreciated.  Most of society’s lessons tend to be taught using the kind of language that alludes to the need to do better.  Why?  Let's reiterate, the adult role models believe that by speaking to children this way, they are helping them to become the best they can be.  However, children with their youthful and naïve perceptions may interpret the words and actions of their adult models as saying:  "you are not good enough.  You have to be perfect." 
             
As adults you now rely on your inner dialogue to motivate and support yourself, and to give you feedback on your thinking and your actions.  Successful achievers and performers have disciplined themselves to make the time to study and then test the kind of inner language they use.  They have chosen to be mindful and conscious as to how they talk themselves into success and/or failure, feeling good and/or feeling bad, thinking positively and/or thinking negatively.
             
Successful achievers and performers know that the mind-body is a powerful partnership and that self-talk (or intra-personal communication) can cause the brain, a giant pharmacy, to produce energy-producing chemicals or it can stimulate the brain to produce tranquilizing and depressing chemicals into the body.  Therefore, the way people talk or think to themselves will make the difference between high and low energy levels, or relaxed and stressful states of being, or positive and negative thinking preceding actions.  The choice belongs to you, and top achievers know this and, therefore, made the right choices.           

Since the brain is known to be a giant computer, designed to go into the direction people program it to go, your job is to coach yourself and to motivate yourself to run your brain and not let your brain run you.  Your responsibility is to turn off the automatic pilot and take control of what you tell (think to) yourself during good and not so good days.  Your human task is to learn to live your life consciously and mindfully.           

Successful achievers and performers know that the saying: ‘attitude is everything’ is accurate.  As mentioned, they have assessed their self-talk and inner dialogues and transformed themselves to use the kinds of inner language that build up confidence and positive energy.  They look at the glass and perceive it as half-filled not half-emptied.  They focus first on the best that could happen rather than on the worst that could happen.   They know that if they fear failure and rejection, and then knowingly choose not to challenge themselves to take risks, they have failed. By remaining in their comfort zones, they have chosen to reject their potential.  Thus, they have experienced rejection from the people who really count, and these people are themselves.

HOW CAN YOU LEARN TO USE  CONFIDENCE-BUILDING SELF - TALK?
    
L EARN HOW TO DO A REALITY (ACCURACY) CHECK 

Achievers and top producers from a variety of industries practice using uplifting and encouraging inner language.  They test what they tell themselves by answering these important reality-check questions:  From what I know about me as I am today, my experiences and my capabilities and my essence, is what I’m telling myself accurate?  Am I being honest with accuracy or am I communicating to myself reflexively without thought or conscious reflection?    By me thinking (or even talking) to myself this way, am I helping me to be more successful? 

Successful achievers and performers know that every day filled with varying experiences teaches them lessons that enable them to make one less mistake in their future.  

Here are a few examples of the kind of internal dialogues that achievers and top performers choose to use: 

"They need me.  I have the best opportunity for them.  They are lucky that I am in their lives." 

"I can do anything I believe I can do." 

"I have got it and every day I get more of it." 

"If I can think it, then I can do it." 

"I set goals and I reach them – on my time schedule." 

"I have a lot of determination.  What stops me is me and only me and how I choose to react to those expected roadblocks." 

"I deserve to make the sales I create.  I work hard." 

"I am always prepared.  I have done my homework.  I deserve this sale.  I deserve to make money." 

"Being told ‘no’ means that they lose.  They’ve lost me and what I can do for them.  'No' permits me to move closer to yes. No spelled backwards is on." 

"I am proud of myself.  I have overcome so much." 

"I know that any mistake I make today are lessons that help me to make one less mistake tomorrow." 

"Today I will catch myself doing something right." 

©PEOPLE COMMUNICATION SKILLS, 12/1999 

Esther Bogin, M.S., C.C.C. is founder and president of People Communication Skills, LLC, owner, Motivator-On Call.com as well as a professor of Communications at Nassau Community College.  Her vast expertise in interpersonal communication strategies help business and professional people to move to their next level of their inner achievement. 
www.motivator-on-call.com