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Life
Child Free
By Laurel Ross
My
nephew Michael recently asked my sister why Aunt Laurel
didn't have kids. Sue, being the modern parent that
she is, responded brilliantly, "Because Aunt Laurel
isn't married." She told me this story laughing,
but I was appalled. "Sue, if I wanted kids, I would
have had them." Well, apparently the truth was
more than she was willing to explain to an 8 year old.
Many
people see me as a little off because I never wanted
children. I suspect they have decided that there is
something defective in my programming, beyond their
capability to comprehend. But parenthood has never appealed
to me. I adore aunthood, but the thought of raising
a child, full time, is utterly unattractive. Children
require so much from a parent - emotional, fiscal, and
physical. I have enormous respect for parents, but cannot
imagine altering my life to accommodate a child. I believe
that to raise a kid right, everything and everyone else
takes second place to that child. It's a huge responsibility,
and a scary one. The stories of child abduction and
abuse make me wonder how a parent gets through the day
without a nervous breakdown. How do you protect a child
from outside dangers, real and imagined? I would never
sleep, worrying about their safety. And how do you know
whether you are raising a child right - you can do all
the right things, and still never really know the answer.
You just have to do what you can and keep your fingers
crossed.
When
I visit with my nieces and nephew, I am overwhelmed
by the amount of energy they require me to expend. I
adore those munchkins, and treasure the time I spend
with them, but I am thrilled to head back to New York
where my nice, quiet, home awaits me. I speak to my
sister daily, and get stressed out just hearing the
children yelling, screaming, and demanding her attention
in the background. She doesn't even notice them. I don't
know how Sue does it.
Over
the years, as a result of my child-free status, I have
acquired a number of surrogate nieces and nephews. On
those infrequent occasions when my biological clock
starts making odd noises, I spend time with them. After
an hour of "Laurel, play with me," "Laurel,
I want that," "Laurel I don't want that"
I find myself gladly reaffirming my commitment to child-free
living.
In
the meantime, I continue to treasure my role as an Aunt,
and enjoy all my surrogate kids - in small doses. I
wonder if twenty years from now I will regret my decision
not to have children. I am saddened that I will not
be carrying on the family line, sharing the traditions
and stories of our family with my own children. But
I hope that the role I play with my nieces and nephew,
and with others in the family will help to ease those
concerns. I trust that stories of Aunt Laurel will live
on in those children and their children for generations
to come.
Editors
Note: Laurel Ross welcomes your comments. Email her
at LaurelRoss39@aol.com.
Mar
2002
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