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Weighty Issues
By: Laurel Ross
I've
spent many hours contemplating weighty issues. Back
in college, I was 10 pounds overweight, but thanks to
a bulimic roommate, convinced I looked like a whale.
Perhaps that had something to do with my lousy body
image. At 30, I was at my thinnest adult weight. I was
thrilled and convinced I could never be fat again. I
was also convinced that solely as a result of my newfound
thinness, the man I was in love with would finally notice
me as a desirable woman, not just as a friend. I was
sure that life would now bring me only happiness, because
happiness was directly connected to low weight. Within
a year, reality set in. The man rejected me and married
someone else. I lost my job and started my own law firm.
My sister got engaged and married. And I started to
gain weight. Slowly, a couple of pounds a year, eventually
compounded to the whopping excess of poundage that I
am now fighting to take off.
Food
has been my comfort, my friend, and my excuse. And yet
that friendship has been toxic. My weight gains made
me less social, because I was convinced people were
judging me by my weight. I was embarrassed by my appearance,
and therefore behaved differently. I avoided certain
social events, as I didn't want people to see me as
fat. I wouldn't go to the gym, because everyone was
thin and I felt like a hippo. In my 'fat head,' men
who were not interested in me were losers, because they
were unwilling to look past my waist to see the wonderful
person inside. Men who were interested in me were losers,
because they were willing to date someone who was as
unattractive as I perceived myself to be. I refused
to acknowledge the reality, that my own issues about
my weight and body image were sabotaging my life.
One
of my oldest and dearest friends, Shanti (yes, she picked
her own pseudonym), began to change her diet and appearance
in anticipation of her 40th. I saw real changes in her
appearance, and realized that I should be doing the
same thing. With Shanti along for inspiration and support,
a little help from Weight Watchers and a major change
in my eating habits, I have been moving down the scale.
As an added bonus, my sister Sue has joined our little
support group via phone and email. Working together
is making our trip from elephant to average easier.
None
of us have any desire to be model thin, just thin enough
to be able to buy normal sized clothing from real stores.
Our expectations have matured from prior attempts at
weight loss, making the changes easier to come by. Shanti,
Sue and I all look better, feel better, and are committed
to finally making the right choices about food and weight.
I have no interest in being a size 6 - its too much
work. But I would be content to be a size 10, or maybe
even a size 8; I'll see how I feel when I get there.
I
lost 10% of my starting weight, and have quite a distance
yet to travel on this particular path. I am perfectly
content to take it slow and steady. I'm trying to focus
on the overall feelings. I can walk farther, climb stairs
easier, and wear clothes that have been in storage for
years. I have finally learned that my happiness and
weight are only connected if I make them so. These days,
I'm working on finding happiness in my life, not a Snickers
bar. Maybe by the time I turn 40, I'll be able to fit
into a whole new wardrobe!
Editors
Note: Laurel Ross welcomes your (gentle) comments. Her
email is LaurelRoss39@aol.com
may
2002
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