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Outside
In
By: Laurel Ross
I've had a series of interesting encounters this summer,
challenging my basic instincts toward people. I often
find meeting new people an exhausting and draining experience.
I hate feeling like an outsider, it brings back all
those childhood insecurities. I know that once I put
myself in a situation, I am reasonably good at dealing
with new people. But despite that fact, I still dread
the experience. And this summer, I've found myself knee
deep in 'new people crowd scenarios,' and discovered
that I am not always the outsider I imagine myself to
be.
One
of closest friends from college, Teddy, lives in Miami.
He called to let me know that he and his spouse were
going to be arriving in New York for an unexpected three
day visit. We reserved Sunday morning for time together.
Sunday morning, I got a call warning that they would
be late, and asking me to reserve a table for six. Having
thought it would Teddy, his honey and me, I was a little
apprehensive about hanging with all these strangers.
I reminded myself that this was an opportunity to spend
time with Teddy and his honey.
So
picture this, five gay men and me sitting around a table
in Roslyn, doing brunch. Five great looking men, buff
and hot. And not physically interested in me at all.
Quite a surreal experience. But a hell of a lot of fun.
I was getting envious stares from several women in the
restaurant, which added a whole other layer of entertainment
value. Although Teddy and I didn't get to have any serious
conversation, we got to see each other for the first
time in several years, and that alone was worth every
second of new experience trauma. And I got to meet three
people and had fun hanging with them.
Similarly,
I attended my new second cousin's wedding weekend. My
cousin Jana and I had met two years earlier, when she
found me listed on a Genealogical Website with the family
names. We've since become friends, and this was my first
ever opportunity to meet relatives from my maternal
grandfather's family. Off to Newport I drove alone,
highly anxious about what the weekend would bring. Knowing
I was facing three evenings of conversation with strangers,
all without an ally to lean on.
I
had a blast. My older, crusty New England relatives
took a while to warm up, but by the time the wedding
rolled around, I was an official member of the clan.
They even saved me a seat at the reception! Over the
course of the weekend I met more than 60 new people,
and gained a brief story to tell about each of them.
I can't remember ever having that much fun at a wedding.
Even
more amusingly, I met another new second cousin, my
cousin Joe from Atlanta, Georgia. We are five months
apart in age and a world apart in our lives and experiences.
Joe was born in Tennessee and when his mom divorced
my cousin Gordon, they moved to Atlanta, where he was
raised as a Southern Baptist. A Southern boy with New
England Jewish aunts and uncles.
We
were both suffering from some serious culture shock
over the course of the weekend. We were amazed by the
fact that two cousins on such far ends of the spectrum,
a male Southern Baptist and a female New York Jew had
discovered each other and got along so well. We were
each able to learn a bit about the other's world, and
to help manage the weekend. More importantly, we started
what I hope will be a long and illustrious cousinship.
Who would have thought that I would discover and enjoy
a new, Southern cousin at a Newport wedding?
So,
I suspect that these anecdotes should teach me that
I need to be more open to new things. More willing to
meet new people. More receptive to putting myself into
new situations. We shall see…
Editors
Note: Laurel Ross welcomes your (gentle) comments. Her
email is LaurelRoss39@aol.com
july
2002
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