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Esther Bogin, M.S., C.C.C.
www.motivator-on-call.com
In this time of
the new year of 2002, most people tend to make resolutions
with good intentions to keep them. So, let’s do just
that – let each of us slow down the speed of doing our business
in the usual way, and fill up with the refreshing and creative
energy that accompanies the New Year season. Interestingly,
I am usually asked by my existing as well as prospective clients
‘how should I behave…’ or ‘what should I do…’ It would
appear that in asking these types of questions they are seeking
the magical, perfect pill (the right answers) from me.
They are seeking the perfect way to: cold call, close
sales, interact with people, give performance evaluations,
network, give and/or receive criticism, satisfy customers,
build loyalty, motivate employees, feel satisfaction, be happy, etc.,
etc.
How many times have I heard from clients: “ I am tired
of the same old thing, getting the same old results.”
“How do I change people?” “I know I should behave (or
think) differently; I know, but it’s so hard. How
do I stop doing things that I know are not smart to do and
are not even the right things to do????”
So, for this column, I am inviting you to take the opportunity
to STOP – RESTRICT – BE PROACTIVE and make serious time to
listen to the inner silence that will communicate the answers
each of you may be diligently seeking. STOP – be quiet
enough to listen to your inner silence and hear your inner
voice reinforcing that you already know how to do your business; you
already know what is the best decision to make; you already
have the answers to your questions. If you listen
hard enough, you will be given the changes and steps you need
to take in order to move yourself forward to your next level
of achievement.
PERCEPTION CHECK: Make the time to catch
up with who you are today especially in your business and
professional role. Ask yourself the following questions:
What is my philosophy in doing my business? What
is my current vision? What is my purpose? What
business practices and habits do I possess and have in place
that I know (really know) are working well and should be expanded?
What business practices and habits do I possess and have in
place that I know (really know) are not working well and are
not right for me and should be removed and replaced?
What do I know and do well? What do I need to
learn today in order to do better tomorrow?
PERCEPTION CHECK: Make the time to assess
your people skills and your relationships. Anyone who will
be honest with you will admit that people are complex and
challenging, and frustrating, and surprising, and sources
of strength, support, love. Some are easy and a pleasure
with whom to interact. Others are difficult making it
distasteful to interact with them.
Now, I encourage you to focus on those difficult people and
answer the following questions: What am I doing to reinforce
these difficult and annoying behaviors these people show when
they interact with me? How am I encouraging them to
treat me in the way they do? What do I need to
learn about ME today to establish and maintain healthy working
relationships with those on whom my job effectiveness and
satisfaction depends?
PERCEPTION CHECK: Your reality and your
current goals need to be updated in the same way you update
your wardrobe, cars, reading material, etc. Become more
proactive in your search for the answers to the life-guiding
question of what do I really want today? Today
– and not what I think I want or should want because other
people told me so or because these were my thoughts and goals
10-20-30 years ago.
Answer the question: what are my goals today?
Today, given who I am and where I am in my presence.
Today! STOP going through the motions unconsciously
of goal-setting. Make the time and answer:
Where am I today? My accomplishments? My personal
needs? My financial needs? My business and professional
needs? Where do I want to be in my personal life 5-10-15-20
years? Where do I want to be in my business and
professional life in 5-10-15-20 years?
Then write down the answers to these questions using short
phrases and including deadlines to each response. Remember:
“…a goal is a destination with a deadline…” (Anonymous)
Once you’ve completed this task, put these responses in a
self-addressed, postage-paid envelope and mail it to you.
Why? In two to three days you will read your responses
and thoughts as a third person with greater objectivity.
You, then, will meet the goal-centered you in a more detached
setting.
PERCEPTION CHECK: Yes, it is still time
to check your sense of self – only if you maintain any thoughts
that question your value and abilities to achieve your goals.
Listen to your inner silence and ask: What do I know
about me (my experiences, my past, my assets, my liabilities)?
Knowing what I do about me today are any of my thoughts of
self-doubt really true?
Sometimes, people hold debilitating thoughts that cause them
to view themselves and the way they approach the world in
unrealistic ways. Sometimes, people hold onto those
debilitating thoughts that were once accurate and yet were
never checked for accuracy after years of growth, experience,
and self-actualization. Sometimes, people need to do
a ‘catch-up’ self-concept assessment to meet the persons they
are today. This reality check is important to be able
to move forward in creating inner peace and success.
Answer the question: What do I know about me and all
of my important life’s experiences; who is the real me
today???
So, today, in this New Year, I implore you to create silent
times to get in touch with you and your true essence.
Take hold of this moment and work at giving yourself the gift
of the knowledge and awareness that you have TODAY.
We can control today in the way we view and respond to our
personal and professional living. Today – right now
–in this special moment - remember to STOP – FOCUS –
AND THEN DO IT YOUR WAY in the start of this brand new year.
© PEOPLE COMMUNICATION SKILLS
2001
Editors
Note: Esther
Bogin, M.S., C.C.C., is founder and president of People Communication
Skills, LLC, owner, Motivator-On-Call.com as well as a professor
of Communications at Nassau Community College.
Her vast expertise in interpersonal communication strategies
help business and professional people to move to their next
level of their inner achievement.
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